Tuesday, August 9, 2011

7 weeks

The reality of "the end" is slowly settling on me, and it's not entirely sad. Whenever I talk about it with my town, they always say the same thing, "Mali (how they pronounce my name) se va, y nunca vuelve mas!" Molly will go, and won't come back anymore. I try to assure them that, someday, I will return and visit them. But, not even I know if that is going to happen. I hope it does, and I will try as hard as I can. But life keeps going regardless of our plans. At least for some of them, I have to accept that this will probably be the last time I'll see them. That's hard to think about. Especially with the people that I have close and personal relationships with. Saying goodbye to them will probably be one of the hardest things I have ever done.

On the flip side of the sad coin is the stuff I'm excited for, or at least going to be relieved not to have to deal with anymore. The most maddening of those things, and the thing that I've never really gotten accustomed to or even indifferent about, is Panamanian's inability to show up on time, and their inability to tell you that they never intended to show up at all. Whaaa...? As a very punctual and reliable American, I have a hard time with this one. If you say you're going to be there, you show up. If you sign a piece of paper stating that you will be able to attend, and intend to participate, YOU SHOW UP. If you're not going to show up, do not do any of the above, just say, I won't be there. Let me explain a little more...

My last order of business, project, goal, whatever you want to call it, in my town is a water committee seminar that was scheduled to begin last Sunday. I have 5 members on my water committee, and one plumber. All were slated to attend. 3 showed up. And of the other three, their excuses were varied. One didn't have an excuse, just didn't come; one said he had a "cold"; and one said that he wasn't well informed, and went out to his finca (farm) instead. I don't believe the guy with the cold was sick at all, and the guy that said he wasn't informed just straight up lied. I, needless to say, was pissed. I kind of lost it in front of the other three members and another volunteer. We decided to invite other people from the communities at large, and reschedule for the two days this weekend, and two days next weekend. Which is, ultimately, better for me. I'd rather have it done with in 10 days rather than 4 weeks. But still, the reason for the rescheduling of the seminar is completely maddening.

There are a lot of things on both sides of the coin. There are plenty of things that I am so excited to not have to deal with (Latino men, useless government employees, rats, cockroaches, sweating) and things that I'll miss (speaking Spanish, gifts of food from my neighbors, walking into anyone's house at whatever hour, the beach). I guess what it boils down to is that this is just another end, and another beginning. As frustrated as I am right now, I'm trying to soak up all the good stuff before I leave. Because I know the day will come when I'll only remember the good stuff, and regret wasting my last couple months. Regardless of how bad I want it right now, when it comes closer, I'll resist the end. So I'm trying to enjoy right now. Right now becomes yesterday and last week and last year so fast that it takes a concerted effort to stay in the moment. That's my only goal for these last few weeks.

Here's to the end...and the beginning.

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