Valentine's Day in Panama

Valentine’s Day always irritated me in the States, probably because you absolutely cannot avoid it. Thankfully there isn’t any Valentine’s Day paraphernalia or racks of cards to make my feel terrible for not having found someone to buy a card for in Panama. In fact, there is virtually no relationship between the Valentine’s Day of the U.S. and the Valentine’s Day of Panama.

Despite that, the internet still manages to remind me, via pop-ups and advertisements, that Valentine’s Day is on Monday. So, in honor of Valentine’s Day, decidedly my least favorite holiday, I’m going to throw those lame “10 Reasons it’s AWESOME to be single on Valentine’s!” out the window, and write my own list. It’s not awesome being single on Valentine’s in the States where everyone and everything constantly reminds you that you’re single. But it is kind of awesome in the developing world. So, my list is titled “10 Reasons it’s AWESOME to be single in the developing world”.

10 REASONS IT’S AWESOME TO BE SINGLE IN THE DEVELOPING WORLD (on Valentine’s Day…or ever, really)

1. Traveling sucks. 16 hours on a bus is not fun, no matter who’s at the other end of the ride. If I make that trip, it’s generally so I can sit on a beach with my girlfriends, and that’s ALWAYS worth it.
2. I look BOMB in Panamanian clothes! And most boyfriend’s are not real cool with girlfriends throwing on skin tight jeans and mesh to dance with random Latino guys. Good thing I don’t have one!
3. I can’t help being dirty. It’s not that I don’t try to be clean, it’s just that it’s hard to maintain cleanliness in 90 degree heat in the jungle. All that extra scrubbing and primping and spritzing is exhausting, and my water supply is limited, so it’s great that I feel no obligation to do it.
4. Sometimes I enjoy basking is the inappropriate attention from Panamanian men. It doesn’t happen often, but sometimes, like when I get free drinks or free rides, I enjoy the attention I get from Latino men. Especially when I know I look like crap and they tell me I look guapa (hot, basically). Who says chivalry is dead?
5. I get sick a lot more. This one could go either way. It’s nice to have someone to help out when you’re sick, but I’m the kind of person that wants my mom to make me soup, not my boyfriend to bring me extra Kleenex because he’s grossed out by the snot on my face. Mom, wanna come visit again?
6. The ladies in my town think I’m badass. You’re not married? You don’t have kids!? I’m like a pioneer woman in their eyes. Going to college, getting a job, joining Peace Corps, living my life. They’ve come around, so now the question isn’t, “when will you get married?” but “what are you going to go back to college for, Molly?” Let the liberation begin.
7. Infidelity + Telenovelas = bloodlust. I’ve met only a handful of Panamanian men that are faithful and trustworthy. The rest cheat, a lot. To make matters worse, Panamanian women watch a lot of Telenovelas (soap operas) where people are always getting stabbed or shot at for cheating and lying. No wonder there are so many crimes of passion in this country. Just happy I’m not a part of it in any way.
8. I have no money. Phone calls, visits, food, entertainment. This is the stuff of relationships, and it all has a price. And on $340/month, I just can’t afford it. Even booty calls are precipitated by a “call”, and when I’m running low on saldo (phone $), I’d rather use it to text a girlfriend something funny. It’s all about prioritizing.
9. No one has any idea what or when Valentine’s Day is in Panama. It’s awesome! No one knows what it celebrates, no one bakes heart-shaped cakes for their sweetie, no one buys cards or chocolates, no one sees rom-coms after a romantic dinner out. I love it. It’s just like every other day.
10. Someday I won’t be single and living in a developing country. And I’m looking forward to that, too. But right now, I only have to worry about myself and my dog, and that’s fine. I know that there will come a day when I’m married, maybe with kids, and will wonder why I didn’t take advantage of my crazy, fun, adventurous single gal years. I don’t want that to be my prevailing thought in the future, so I vow to enjoy flying solo for as long as it lasts.

Honestly, I don’t actually hate V-day. I like the part about chocolate and cake. It’s nice to call someone and say I love you, and hear it back. I just hate all the commercialization, because it’s centered around couples, so what do the rest of us do? Call our mothers, I s’pose. I think it should be about everyone we love, and everyone that’s been there for us. So, to all of you that have supported me throughout my service and my life, I love you and wish you a Happy Valentine’s Day. Bake your heart shaped cakes and eat them too. Don’t forget to send me a piece.